Melanie Marcus

I haven't really been doing much lately. Em and I got the tree decorated today. It's gorgeous, really. Christmas is my favorite holiday of the year. With the snow and Christmas trees and the wonderful feeling that surrounds Christmas itself. Like for once, everything is right in the world.

I'm working on putting up Christmas lights around the windows. I've always thought that they look so damn beautiful at night, glistening off the snow. I love driving through town, wandering through the neighborhoods, looking at Christmas lights. We used to do it when I was a child and it's a tradition that I would like to start with the kids.

Speaking of, Linds offered to carry for Cal and Em, as I'm sure you all know. She just found out that she's pregnant and they couldn't be more excited.
( Private )
I went to the doctor for a check-up today. And I got good news and bad news. Good news is that the cancer is shrinking, meaning that it will be easier to remove surgically. In fact, we went ahead and scheduled my surgery for the 27th of January. The bad news...well, he decided to just now tell me that the radiation could possibly make me sterile, meaning that I wouldn't be able to carry for Ben and Michael, as I had planned. But if I don't do radiation, the cells could spread faster doing chemo alone. It's a decision that I have to make.

Uh oh. I better run, as JR has decided that Christmas lights are rather nice teething toys.

Happy hols,
Mel

Life has slowly been returning to normal. Well, as normal as can be with these treatments. They make me so freaking sick. And I hate being sick.

I had my third round of chemo yesterday. And as usual, it's making me feel like shit. When I sit there, with the IV in my arm, it feels like poison is running through my veins. How can something that burns so much do any good?

JR is growing like a weed. I swear just yesterday she was a baby. Now she's almost walking and saying a few words. Where does all the time go?

Well, I'm going to attempt to make dinner before Linds gets home from the gallery. And Gus wants to help so it's going to take even longer.

Cheers

Mel

Oh Lordy, what a night. I think someone should have locked me up and thrown away the key. Where the hell do I come up with these ideas?! All because I wanted to be normal. Note to self: Don't try to be normal..or abnormal..or whateverthefuck I was last night.

I think we need a new toilet. Sounds odd, yes. But when you spend a full morning becoming intimately acquainted with the porcelin bowl, you notice these things.

But even though I feel like shit, I haven't felt this good since before I got sick. Ironic, isn't it? That something that could make me feel so lousy, could make me feel so good at the same time. Whoa, this brings back memories of last night.

You know what? All this thinking is making my brain hurt even more. I'll update more when I can think straight...er, easier.

Do I smell waffles?

Cheers,
Mel

I can't do this anymore. Yes, that's right. I'm giving up.

Before you freak out, let me finish. I hate being in bed all the time, being waited on hand and foot. I have to get out of here before I go insane.

I'm finally starting to feel better from my first round of chemo. Just in time to get my second round. These cocktails really kick my ass. I am so not looking forward to radiation.

Emmett has been great. He helps out when needed, but doesn't smother. And he also knows when I'm in one of my moods to just let me brood. Last night we made homemade pizza and I haven't felt so good in quite a while. He even managed to save my skin when I had an accident in the kitchen.

Oh! Emmett's getting ready to fix dinner. Maybe I can convince him to let me help.

Cheers,
Mel

"Sarabeth, is scared to death, to hear what the doctor will say, she hasn't been well, since the day that she fell. And the bruise it just won't go away...."

Well, I guess I should fill everyone in on what's been going on.
This past week I went to the doctor to get the good once over. I haven't been feeling well for ages, so I finally decided that maybe some anti-biotics were in order. After running some tests, the doctor got back to me on Thursday. Seems there was a reason that I wasn't feeling well. I have cancer. After doing some X-rays, the dr. found that I have 4 tumors in my ovaries. *laughs bitterly* Apparently, my endometriosis played a major factor.
While they are all malignant, the dr. thinks that with chemo and radiation, they should shrink enough that he will be able to remove them without taking out all my bits. Fat lot of good they are going to do me when I'm sterile. If the therapy doesn't work....well, I'll make it the best 6 mos. of my life.
The dr. says that 6 chances in 10 it won't come back again, with the therapy they're going to try. Apparently, it's just been approved and is the strongest there is. But he thinks that they caught it in time.
I didn't tell Linds right away, because as hard as it was to keep it from her, I was having a harder time trying to figure out how to tell. I finally turned to Brian to ask for his advice. I even had to lean on Emmett for support.
When I went to the gallery tonite to tell Lindsey, the pain in her eyes cut my heart to the core. But the hopelessness and fear that I saw in them after I told her, shattered my heart to pieces. At that moment, I knew that I couldn't leave her.
You see, I have a confession to make. When the dr. told me the news, I was numb. I couldn't breathe, couldn't think straight. When the shock wore off, reality set in and all I could think about was that I didn't want Lindsey to see me sick. To lose her dreams taking care of me. In fact, I even went as far as to refuse treatment. I wasn't going to fight a battle I was sure I couldn't win.
But after seeing the kids that night and watching as Linds turned from me hurt when I lied and said I was fine, I felt selfish. It would hurt her more for me to leave, to give up then for her to be with me when I was sick.
Linds and I are going out of this weekend. We need a vacation and a moment to clear our heads and decide what we are going to do. Emmett and Calvin will have the kids and we'll be back on Monday.
Thanksgiving will still be at our house this year, if everyone still wants to come. I can't promise that I'll be much fun, but don't stay away on my account.
I better get to bed. We leave in a few hours.

Mel

P.S. I want to thank everyone who has been there for me and Linds the last couple of days. Especially Brian and Emmett. Brian, I know you don't care for me, but I'm so thankful that Lindsey has someone that she can turn to for anything and that it's you she feels comfortable with. And I'm glad that you took the time to listen when I called. Em, you have been wonderful. And I look forward to you spending more time at the house.

Gus and I went dog hunting today. Or should I say schnauzer hunting? He was so excited looking at all the dogs. I swear, if he could, he would have brought them all home. Heck, I would have brought them all home. Granted, Linds would have killed me, but that's another story.

We finally settled on one he liked, a handsome black and  silver male. I can't believe how incredibly small these little guys are when they are puppies. He sits pretty comfortably in two of my hands. The breeder (dog breeder, Brian), George Nichols, can hold him in one hand alone.

We brought him home and got him comfortable on his little doggie blanket. He looks so adorable all curled up when he's sleeping. When I asked Gus what he wanted to name him, he said he was having a hard time coming up with a name. Then he asked what my dog's name was and my grandparents dog (we all had schnauzers). So, I told him about Kirby and Schoosty. He laughed at all the funny stories I had to tell and when I was finished, he told me he knew what he was going to name his dog. Seems he wanted to name him after his favorite candy bar.

Well, I got to run. As the new addition to our family, Snickers is quite a demanding little fellow.

Ok, so this past week has been extremely hectic and I am ready to pull out all of my hair. Only this time it's not caused from curious children, but rather puerile people who are supposed to be brilliant among the working class. Apparently, the college degree doesn't mean as much as it used to.

I found a building for the Pittsburgh branch of my law firm last week. I got together with the realtor on Saturday to sign all the necessary papers so that I could get things rolling as far as interior decorating, furniture and employees goes. Well, I get a phone call last night saying that I hadn't completed the required paperwork. Seems that the witless bitch (the realtor) LOST my paperwork. And whats more, since the paperwork was supposedly "lost", they sold the building to someone else.

So, today I went looking for another building to set up shop, which is harder than you think. Seems like the Pitts doesn't have as many empty buildings just lying around as we think. And oddly enough, everyone and their uncles are out to get one of the few that exist. Eventually, after switching realtor companies of course, I found one. And I abso-fucking-lutely love it. It's beautiful, inside and out. Not only that, it's cheaper than the last one, and I get more for my money. Marcus and Scheel is located at 445 Fort Pitt Boulevard, in case anyone wants to stop by and check it out.

Linds and Justin are going to be doing my interior decorating. Well, that is they will be finding and hanging incredible art on the walls, hopefully work of their own. I may have them help me paint the walls and possibly pick out furniture, but that's it.

Halloween is around the corner already and there is so much to be done. Since we will still be here, Brian said he would take Gus trick-or-treating. Gus is so excited because he gets to hang out with his Daddy and Daddy J. Last night he flew down the stairs, almost breaking his neck (exaggeration, Brian) just to tell me that he knew what he was going to be. Seems he is following in his father's footsteps and taking up the role of Peter Pan. Now all he longs for is a Wendy. I jokingly told Linds that maybe Justin should be Wendy, but we both agreed that Brian would have a cow seeing Justin in a dress. Since Michael and Ben are going to attempt to take JR trick-or-treating, maybe I can talk Gus into letting her be his Wendy.

Speaking of, JR has learned a few more words, making her vocabulary pretty extensive for her age. She finally mastered her "S's", but still insists on calling Gus, Guppy. Gus, of course is tickled pink, just because he was her first word. Go figure.

Well, I better go get some work done. Or at least attempt to.

Cheers all,

Mel